A New Home
by keepupbabe
Summary: It's a slow process, trying to find something to be happy about again. (originally posted 12/12/12)


Chin's not been back to his home in over two weeks, not seen the place where his wife died or where they had been thinking of putting in a nursery for a future baby that now could never happen. He doesn't realize this until he's elbows deep in Danny's Christmas decorations, spread out across the expanse of Danny's new home. He's set up in the little clear corner, Grace's toys stacked neatly on one side, a pile of Steve's camping gear in the other, the only evidence of the impromptu in-house camping Danny and Grace has participated in last weekend. Chin still had a picture on his phone, the two of them poking their heads out of a gap in the tent's opening.

Danny had started renting this place a few months after Chin's wedding and Chin remembers the happy time the team's had here since then, not as crowded as they'd been in Danny's other apartments.

It niggles in Chin's mind that Malia had never been to Danny's new house. Something had always come up or she'd been tied over at work when the team had gotten together for beer, pizza, and football (or the occasional sci-fi movie when Max was able to come).

It's that unconscious revelation that causes a sob to erupt its way out of Chin's chest, his hand clutching at a strand of lurid green garland he'd been trying to unravel out of its box. The tears don't come this time – they'd stopped a while ago, not even making an appearance after the nightmares he has every once in a while.

There's a small clatter from the other room before Danny appears in the curved doorway, eyes wide and darting around, trying to figure out what happened before he steps in the room. His hair is sticking up in small tufts, one pink oven mitt still secured on his right hand. He shuffles over, socked feet loud on the carpet, dropping his mitt on top of an unopened box of ornaments and drops down slowly in front of Chin, favoring his bad knee, but trying to get as close as possible.

"Hey. Hey, you okay? I could hear you in there. You're not trying to break my garland, are you?" Danny reached out as he spoke, untangling the strand from Chin's tense hands, wrapping them around his own before setting them on top of their box.

Chin just shook his head, staring down at the carpet now that he didn't have the garland to occupy his attention – his chest ached from the rush of feelings and he longed to press his fingers down into his breastbone, make it all go away. The nasty pit of guilt had settled in his stomach now, hot and dark. Danny couldn't see it, but he knew there was something that Chin wasn't telling him.

"What is it, babe? What's going on in there?" Danny waved his fingers up towards Chin's head, close enough to touch his temple.

Chin wracked his brain for the right words, trying to figure out what he should tell Danny without making him seem like even more of a wreck – without making Danny want to push him away.

"Malia's never been here. She…" Chin broke off, his voice stuttering to a halt when he glanced up at Danny's face, the realization seeming to dawn there, like a light bulb shattering. He pushed on.

"I can't help but feel bad. I haven't been home in two weeks, Danny, because she's never been here. This is the only place I'm not-" Another sob cracked through his words. A few moments later, Chin murmured weakly, "she's all over the island."

Danny scooted forward, pulling Chin's hand away from where it had been trembling against his leg, holding it tight to make him stop.

"Hey. Hey, look at me." He waited for Chin to comply, his heart breaking at the puffy rings around Chin's eyes, even though he couldn't see any tears. "You can't blame yourself for that. You all had a life together – of course she's gonna be everywhere. And it's okay to wanna get away from that."

Danny paused, a few beats of them just breathing together, before deciding to plow on. "You know, there are a lot of places I still can't go to back home, because the memories with Rachel and I are too hard to deal with. They're some of my favorite places, but I just can't go anymore." Danny's finger had taken to tracing the small bones in Chin's wrist as he spoke, just a smooth back and forth – he did the same thing with Grace when she was frightened or sick.

"What I mean is – it's not a bad thing to get away from it. One day you'll be able to face all those memories again, but it's okay not to right now. It's only been three months, Chin. You've got time."

Chin flipped his hand over, pressing his palm into the warmth of Danny's own. He glanced down at the Christmas tree still in the box next to his knee. He remembers when he and Danny spent three hours in the store a few days before New Year's last year, Danny trying to figure out which best bargain tree to get. It had been worth it when he finally found the right one, childish glee written all over his face as he shoved it at Chin's face.

"So you're okay with me staying here for a little while longer?"

Danny's laugh is bright and sudden, giving Chin a look like he can't believe what just came out of his fool mouth.

"Do you even need to ask? As long as you're okay with a tiny guest room with pink walls and sleeping on the sofa bed when Grace comes over, you can stay as long as you want…" A loud rumbling suddenly filled the room. Danny's head tilted as his free hand came up to rub at his stomach.

"Oh, and continue to make dinner sometimes."

Chin's own laugh bubbled out of him, filling that space that the sob hollowed out earlier, landing in a much happier place.

"Can do, brah. Can do. What are we having tonight?"

"Lasagna!" Danny crowed, pushed himself up to his feet and pulling Chin up by their still clasped hands.

"Grace said she wanted some this weekend, so I'm making a shit ton now and I'll freeze the rest. Let it be known that Edna Williams' family secret will not go to waste in this house."

The warm place in Chin's stomach that he'd been trying to ignore and had been growing ever since he'd started staying with Danny seemed to burst, spreading throughout his limbs and lighting up the tips of his fingers. He grasped Danny's fingers a little bit tighter, shaking them slightly as he grinned at him.

Malia was still on the edge of his mind as she always was, but Chin was sure that she'd want him to be happy. Even if happy right now is sleeping in a tiny room with garish pink walls, Danny's content snores filtering into the room from down the hall. He wouldn't have it any other way.


End file.
